For getting Success in Relationships
we should keep in mind that “Opposites Attract”, but only in temperament.
Nature always demand balance and harmony. And balance is most necessary in the
temperament of two people who have come together as one.
There
is a simple test of compatibility you can apply to your intimate relationships.
It is called the conversation test. In a relationship in which you are
temperamentally compatible with another person, there will be an easy retreat
and flow of conversation. Each person will be able to talk as much as he or she
needs to talk, and each person will have the opportunity to listen as much as
he or she needs to listen. This balance is very important. Each person has a
certain amount of talking that he or she must do to feel healthy and whole. If
people do not get the opportunity to do all of their talking with the person
with whom they are involved, they will seek to fulfil their communication need
somewhere else. Almost all affairs in marriages begin as the result of a need
to communicate more fully with another human being.
When
people are temperamentally balanced, 90% of the time they spend together will
be filled with easy conversation, going back and forth. The other 10% of the
time will be filled with comfortable silences. However, if one person needs to
talk 70% of the time and listen only 20% of the time, and then other person
also needs to talk 70% of the time and listen only 20% of the time, there will
be a clash over what is called air time. They will be continually struggling
over who is going to get to talk the most, who is going to fulfil his or her
needs at the expense of the other.
In
this type of relationship, there will be one person who loves more and one person
who loves less always , the person who loves more will keep quiet and given to
allow the person who loves less to do all the talking her or she want to do.
The person who loves less controls the relationship.
However,
this is only a temporary solution. It inevitably leads to feelings of
frustration and unhappiness on the part of the person who loves more, and who
is not getting an opportunity to express himself or herself fully enough.
Eventually these curbs feelings erupt in health problems or harmful behaviour.
Another
example of incompatibility is when both the parties only need to talk 30% of
the time and comfortable listening 60% or 70% of the time. In this case, you
would have 40% of the time the couple is together filled with uncomfortable
silences. The two people would sit there with very little to say, feeling
uncomfortable but not knowing how to break the silence. This too is an example
of temperamental incompatibility.
The conversation test can be applied to
your relationships with any of your friends, on any level and of either sex.
Your very best friends are those with whom you have easy conversations and easy
silences. These are the ones with whom you are most compatible. But it is most
important that you be conversationally compatible with your mate or your spouse
if you want to be happy in your relationship.
Shikhar Prajapati
(Motivational Speaker and
Corporate Trainer)
Shikhar Prajapati is India’s favourite Motivational Speaker and Corporate Trainer who
has successfully trained more than 7 lakh people since 2001.
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